What Single Moms Want You to Know but Won't Necessarily Tell You....

If you're a single momma, PLEASE pat yourself on the back!!!! You are doing a difficult and yet rewarding job! If you're like me, you're surrounded by people in your life who don't understand your struggle.  Most single Moms don't originally start out that way, they usually are divorced and raising their kids while their friends are still married or happily in relationships, etc.

So I have been considering this list for awhile because I am one of those people!!! I am SURROUNDED by couples.. my family, friends, etc.  I don't have one single momma friend I see on a regular basis.

So here's what single Moms want you to know but don't want to necessarily tell you..

It's frustrating to hear the comment "well my husband is out of town so I'm a single Mom this week."

Well bless your little heart!!! Welcome to my everyday life dear.  I don't have the end of the week to look forward to when Daddy will come through the door and the minions will be all over him for while so I can go take a bath..

Sometimes we just need time to ourselves.. to clean house.. to watch a movie.. to eat a meal without SOMEONE NEEDING SOMETHING.

Its true.  Just because I want a break doesn't necessarily mean I'm planning an elaborate date or night out.  Sometimes, well most of hte time, I really just want ot be in the house by myself, turn my music up loud and clean.  Or veg on the couch and scroll on Facebook.  It's the little things.

Child Support isn't guaranteed, like EVER. 

Everyone assumes because you're a single Mom you get child support. Let me debunk that myth. Biggest lie ever!!! But I'm hearing this from other single moms in support groups I'm in. My story is a little different because my LO's father chose to terminate his rights so he didn't have to pay CS.  Most people don't know that, they just assume I'm getting it.  The stories I hear of deadbeat dads is outrageous.  It's really quite sad for the children's sake.  But I know there is a flip side to it..

We rely on family and friends to help us on this journey of raising our children.. it really does take a village.

When the traditional family isn't available, we rely on close friends and grandparents for help with the kids.  Let's face it, we cannot be with our kids 100% of the time.  We have work, errands, hobbies, etc.  I truly believe the kids benefit from time away from us too.. just not excessive!!! My LO enjoys her time with grandparents, but she's ready for our time too!

Co-Parenting... Doesn't always happen

People automatically assume that if you're divorced or broken up from the other parent, that co-parenting happens and happens easily.  Well it doesn't.  Of course I only know this from my single mom groups, because co-parenting was taken off the table after my divorce.  Co-parenting takes 2 hard working individuals who love their kids and want the best for them.  I'm sure its hard putting aside your differences with each other to do this, but it can happen and sometimes it does.

We all suffer from some permanent form of exhaustion.

Lets face it.. we're tired.  But after the kiddo goes to sleep at 9 pm after fighting it for an hour and a half, its really tempting to stay up for awhile and catch up on our shows.

 A lot of things about us have changed from what we used to be BK (before kids)

I used to wear jewelry everyday, fix my hair cute, wear cuter clothes, etc.  But fighting a 2 year old to get out the door every morning kinda ruined that for me.  Now I wear the same CZ stud earrings everyday and jeans and tshirts to work.  Do I enjoy looking more presentable? Well of course. And when I get time to myself to do that, I enjoy it.  But my daughter isn't judging me, so neither should you.

It isn't easy.. 

Parenting isn't easy!!! And it isn't for the faint of heart.  It is difficult to not have a partner there to help.  It's not like I can scream for a towel while my toddler is in the bathtub.  My dog sure isn't smart enough to retrieve one for me.



If any of you single mommas can think of others to add, let me know.  These are just ones that I've come up with.  This isn't an easy job we do and we should be commended, not expected, for stepping up and being both parents to our kids.

"Daddy"

So Father's Day is rapidly approaching and I didn't think I'd be apprehensive about it but I am.

My little is 2 now and she is very observant on the goings on around her.  She's recently started referring to people as "Daddy", different people such as myself, my dad, her adopted grandpa, etc.  I know that it is from what she hears from other kids at daycare when their daddies drop them off or pick them up. 

The sperm donor has been on my mind lately, mostly because of all the stuff he's missing.  This child of mine is beautiful, smart, funny, full of life.  I know he doesn't really care and that is perfectly fine with me.  Most people don't understand how someone can just sign their kid away.  But honestly, that was probably the smartest decision he made in his entire life. He chose not to be a complete deadbeat.  He knew he wouldn't pay child support.  He knew it'd be easier for one day when someone else came along who gave a crap and wanted to adopt her.  Is it hard??? HECK YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But it'd be harder being anxious about sending her on visitation with someone who doesn't give a crap about their child. So I am very thankful to not have to share her.

So Father's Day in my opinion isn't just relegated to men.  Let us not forget the women who play both roles in their children's lives.  Mommin' aint easy, Single Mommin' It is a beast.

<3
Kacy

Mothers Day

Happy Mother's Day!!!

This is a very special day for mothers of all types!

I believe that Mother's Day isn't just limited to someone who is a mother.

Happy Mother's Day..

..to the woman who's babies live in heaven
..to the woman with a baby in her tummy
..to the woman who desires children of her own and hasn't had them yet
..to the woman who adopted children to have a family of her own
..to the woman who is mom to animals
..to the woman who is foster mom to children who may only be in her life for a short time
..to the woman who is raising children for her friends or family who aren't able to
..to the woman who is Aunt So and So to somebody, whether by blood or not
..to the woman who is an adopted grandma
..to the woman who has no family but her children
..to the woman who is playing both Mom & Dad


I salute you. All of you.

Love, Kacy
Single Mommin' It

Ready...Set...Go!!!!

"Ready...Set.. Go!!"

My 2 year old's new favorite phrase, which I thought was appropriate for the very first post on my new blog!

 

Never in a million years did I imagine that I'd be inspired by my struggles as a single parent to write a blog for presumably OTHER struggling single parents. But after joining countless single mom support groups on Facebook, I feel there is a need for it, especially from a Christian perspective.

Being single is hard. Dating is hard. Motherhood is hard. When you combine the three, it is the trifecta of hard.  Lots of tears, screaming, tantrums, and that is just from me!   We all have a story of our journey to single parenthood and it always starts with "well what happened was.."  NO not really. LOL that's a joke, you're allowed to laugh at that one.  We all have a beginning where we get into a relationship with someone we feel will be with us forever, through thick and thin, ups and downs, and in the end we are left with our child(ren) alone either by their choice, our choice, or nature's choice (I added that one for the widows, the ones who really truly didn't choose this life).

So I felt that this blog was a necessary thing, for venting, for laughing, for crying, for advice. Whichever we see fit.  

So get in and buckle up and get ready for the ride!

Love- Kacy

Single Mommin' It, All Day Errday